You may have already heard of family constellations, and it has piqued your curiosity. However, you might also feel uncertain, even a bit anxious and skeptical, because it's an unfamiliar world to you?

I was inspired to write this blog when a participant in one of my workshops exclaimed in surprise, "Wow, this goes deep. I never expected that I, as a representative, would gain so much insight for myself. I'm truly amazed! I'm so grateful that I dared to participate and enrolled at the last minute!"

But what does it mean to participate as a representative?

I suddenly realized that many people are unaware of the depth of participating. As a representative, you gain so much understanding, empathy, inner movement, and transformation. It makes sense, as you become a part of the Field where everything unfolds. But this logic, which has become evident to me, is not so obvious when you are new to the world of constellations. 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO PARTICIPATE AS A REPRESENTATIVE?

If you have never participated in constellations before, it's a good idea to start as a representative in the field. This way, you experience what it's like to stand in the systemic position of (grand)father, (grand)mother, partner, son, or daughter. You get to experience the magic and what it can set in motion in your own inner process.

Participating as a representative means that you might be chosen to represent a certain role within the family system of the person for whom the constellation is done. That can be the role of the father, the mother, a grandparent, a sister,... However, you are free to refuse at any moment. If you feel that you'd rather not take on a particular role, that's perfectly fine.

WHY SHOULD YOU PARTICIPATE AS A REPRESENTATIVE IN A FAMILY CONSTELLATION? 

Believe me, it brings so much depth. It is the best learning experience for our often complex lives and, above all, for life in relation to others. Constellations have truly changed my experience and understanding of relationships. Each family constellation is, in a way, a new practice ground, a place to feel and experience.

YOU DON’T NEED TO BE SKILLED

As a representative, you may be asked to represent a person or something in the family constellation. This could be a father, mother, brother, sister, or abstract elements like love or death. Anyone can be a representative, including you. You don't need any specific skills or knowledge. The only thing required is an open attitude and your perception: what do you experience, feel, and think once you are placed in a certain position? How does it feel to be there? I assure you that you will be amazed at what you CAN feel.

As the facilitator, I will also ask you regularly, "How does it feel to stand in this position in the field?" And all you need to do is tell me what you feel. That's enough. By doing so, you provide me, and all of us – and this is precisely what's remarkable – with information about the theme or family system you are placed in.

IT GIVES YOU SO MUCH ANSWERS!

Being a representative not only helps the questioner but also benefits you greatly! As a representative, you gain deep insights into your own (family) system. You are not chosen for a certain theme or role by chance. On an unconscious level, the questioner senses that you "fit" into their system or that you have already experienced or are open to their theme. In short, participating as a representative gives you answers to your own life questions!

YOU BECOME INCREASINGLY SENSITIVE

What constellations have mainly taught me is to trust my intuition. I used to doubt it constantly. Can I really feel? Is what I feel correct? Did I imagine this feeling? There is a vast difference between inventing something and feeling it. And in a constellation, the difference between feeling and thinking becomes clear (and if it's not clear to you, the facilitator will help you with that). By frequently participating as a representative, you become increasingly sensitive. Isn't that a wonderful result?

For the questioner, it is even more of a special experience; it's like watching a movie with yourself in the lead role. Well, at least for the first part of the constellation, as I will call you in afterward.

HOW DOES IT WORK?

Together with me, the questioners determine the theme. This usually happens in advance, through email exchange or a pre-session talk.

WHAT THEMES CAN I EXPECT?

The best answer is: you can expect anything. In principle, anything can be constellated:

- various feelings of blockage
- the feeling of being excluded
- conflicts and divisions in your family
- perfectionism
- fear of judgment
- feeling invisible and small
- inability to feel
- repeatedly falling into people-pleasing behavior
- struggling to set boundaries
- feeling unable to connect on a deep level
- (excessive) fear
- feeling suppressed
- unable to move forward
- financial problems
- difficulties within your business
- confusion
- feeling unsafe
- procrastination
- grappling with recurring emotions like guilt, anger, or sadness
- being too harsh on yourself
- addictions
- physical issues without clear causes
- experiencing stress or depression
- wanting to enter a relationship but backing away when it gets too intimate, and so on.

WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT IN TERMS OF RESULTS?

This depends a bit on each constellation. Sometimes, blockages are set up during the constellation, seen, and resolved. Sometimes, it's not a blockage but rather an entanglement that gets untangled. Sometimes, it's about saying goodbye and starting a grieving process (after years of delay). The farewell is then the gateway to the new. Or sometimes, a constellation shows the new steps a person needs to take, for example, because they have reached the end of a phase in life, and daily life, work, and relationships need a new direction.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO SEE RESULTS?

Keep in mind that a family constellation always requires processing time, especially when working on a deeper level. Initially, you may not feel that much has happened until, after a few weeks, you start to see that things have indeed changed in your life. Expect an average of two months or longer before you see result

CAN THIS BE DONE ONLINE AS WELL?

As an experienced facilitator and trainer, I know how to tune in and hold space for a group, so I can easily conduct a group constellation online. Before we begin, we'll ground ourselves, connect to our bodies, and tune in to the Field. The magic of family constellations transcends the boundaries of space, time, or even digital screens!

 

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7 FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT FAMILY CONSTELLATIONS